It Feels Like Home to Me..

I hate leaving to drive back to school. I've told myself for the last almost 3 years that it will eventually get easier, but I decided tonight that leaving the place and people that I love will never get easier. I know lots of girls have been/are currently in a long distance relationship. And I know they know exactly what I mean when I talk about that feeling you have as you drive away from the person who makes you whole. It's so lonely, disappointing, frustrating, and painful.

I love just being with David. I look forward to weekends when I'll see him more than just about anything else. Everything just feels right when we're together - Running errands together, going to church, going out to eat with my family, taking Sunday afternoon naps, everything. Being with him just feels like home.

I just can't bring myself to call my house at school 'home' - It will never feel the same as my hometown, where my parents still live in the house I grew up in, where David lives, where we met and fell in love, where we'll live when we're married, etc. It's so frustrating to look forward to weekends at home for so long and then they're over before I know it - How does time move so much faster when you want nothing more than for it to slow down? And then I have a lonely 2 hour drive ahead of me to go back to school, studying, and countless other activities to keep my mind off how much I miss my other half.

I'm so excited to know I only have 6 more months of this, but at the same time it seems like it's getting harder and harder to leave each time. David has already said he thinks me leaving to go back to school after Christmas break will be the hardest time yet. I don't even want to think about it. I cannot WAIT until we're married and we'll not only be in the same town, we'll finally be living together! I know we'll look back on this time as a period of growth and a time when we both learned a lot about ourselves and each other, but right now it just plain sucks.

Do those of you in LDRs feel the same way? Has it gotten harder as the wedding approaches? I think we need to form a support group or something! :)

*PS - Sorry this post was so depressing! I'll have updates on our new fur baby tomorrow which is a MUCH happier subject!

Long Distance Relationships Suck.

You know how sometimes you just feel yucky and want nothing more than to snuggle and rest with your hunny? I've had one of those days weeks. I just wish David was here. I went to Wal-Mart tonight because I was bored out of my mind and couldn't just sit at home tonight without doing something productive. So I tried to go find some supplies for a few of the projects I've been wanting to work on. I couldn't find a single thing I needed, so I left frustrated. On the way to my car, I saw this cute couple all bundled up in their coats and scarves holding hands as they walked into the store. I almost started crying. Uh, seriously?! Ridiculous, I know. I don't even know what it was - I think just that I don't feel good, I'm worn out, and I just miss my fiance! The terrible thing is when I'm in moods like this, I take it out on David. So I get snippy and, actually, downright rude sometimes when he's done nothing wrong. Sometimes he'll get frustrated with me, which just makes it worse (although I brought it upon myself!). But usually, he'll just try to reassure me that everything will get better and that we'll be together again soon. Because he's patient and amazing and so stinkin cute.

Photo by FSIL, editing by me

It's times like these that I question why I ever chose to leave our hometown and go to KU almost 2 and a half years ago now. But I know I shouldn't do that because I realize (when I'm thinking rationally) that, aside from the great program I'm in (the main reason I came here), being in a long distance relationship has been so good for us. We dated all through high school, so by the time we graduated, we were spending almost all of our time together. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be spending all my time with him now, but at that point in our lives it was necessary that we were able to find ourselves and grow up on our own a little. We've definitely matured as individuals, but I had no idea how much deeper and more meaningful it would make our relationship. We don't take anything for granted now, especially the time we spend together. And our communication skills have improved dramaically. I know that's something that will be a huge benefit in our marriage.

Photo and editing by FSIL

With just one more semester left after this one, we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll graduate and move back to our hometown (where my parents and David are) in May, and we'll be married less than a month later! Then we'll not only be able to see each other everyday, we'll also finally be LIVING together! Everytime I think about the fact that I'll get to wake up next to him for the rest of my life, I have a huge smile on my face. I am soo so excited to be his wife, and when I'm honest with myself, I'm soo so thankful for the knowledge, maturity, and perspective we now have because we've been in a long distance relationship. So maybe they don't completely suck, but they're definitely not fun!

For those of you in long distance relationships, do you have nights like this? (Please tell me I'm not the only one!) Are you thankful for what you've learned from your LDR? Do you agree that there are benefits that will be helpful for marriage?